The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
