Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
