i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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