pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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