so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
