Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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