Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Drunk is a universal language darling
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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