No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
