i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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