When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
