I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
