stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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