should my penis look like a turkey
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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