if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
