There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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