I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
