I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
