I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
nutella sex= disaster
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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