She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
