matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
