I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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