the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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