The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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