Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
