so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We got so high we made milksteak
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
