Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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