Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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