are you still at the devil's house?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
