Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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