I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
