a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
