your parents love me but you hate me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
