Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
