um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
