my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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