she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
