I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize