and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
