Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
