my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
