Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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