I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
