is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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