so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
