Im at strip club and am horny
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
