I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I deserve this hangover.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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