Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
