he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
