So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
