her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
