I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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