Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
