Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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