I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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