i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
