you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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