I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And then my night got REAL pukey
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
