Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
