I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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