I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
