Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
