There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How does one acquire holy water?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
