Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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