just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
