Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
