Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
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My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
