I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
