god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
