The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize